“…in order to do something well we must first be willing to do it badly”
Julia Cameron
Last weekend I finally made it to a colour workshop at Scratch Art Space in Marrickville. This workshop has been on my radar for some time, so I was stoked when the stars aligned and I could make it.
Usually I experience pre-event social anxiety but I felt surprisingly comfortable and confident going to this workshop, which surprised me. After the workshop (and a solid night’s sleep- my brain was so full!), I took some time to think about what had changed in me for this to be such a non-event in regards to my social anxiety.
For the longest time, I tried to hold the idea that art is for the sake of art, that you don’t need training to create, that it should be free flowing and expressive. I resolved that I would just figure out the things I needed to and then my art would be entirely my own. For most part, I still believe that creativity needs to be nurtured rather than taught, but as I work through ‘The Artist’s Way’ and continue creating, I’m realising that this mentality was born from a sense of inferiority, not integrity.
Other than a half finished TAFE course, I pretty much dropped any artistic training as soon as I finished school. I would doodle and draw, and friends would tell me that I was talented. I took that praise as reassurance that I was still an ‘artist’ even though I felt like my talent was inferior. The concept of me as an artist runs very close to my sense of worth so I avoided taking my art seriously out of fear of judgement from ‘real’ artists, who would clearly be the ones that could uncover me as the charlatan I really was. I had a deep sense that I was a cheap knockoff and was too embarrassed to try and learn.
I was also horribly jealous of creative people. I would look at what they created and feel my heart drop at how far away anything I created was from them and their works. I hated the reminder of how untalented I was. Looking at other people’s work and success was painful and depressing for me. Anything artistic- both creating it and admiring it- was removed from my life and I resigned myself to the mundane. I’m sure this is not an unfamiliar feeling for many people.
But as I work through each piece and study, I also work on myself. My confidence in my creativity grows and my curiosity about techniques and skills overrides feelings of inferiority about my talent. I am creating, making, and putting my creative expressions out into the world and I’m realizing that is all any creative person does. I see my creations are lacking and I want to learn how to bring them out of hiding. I have started to look at other people’s creations with curiosity and admiration. Feelings of jealously are being replaced by feelings of inspiration.
I didn’t walk into the workshop yesterday feeling like I was a fraud trying to learn ways to mimick other people’s works, I felt like me. I felt like someone who creates and is looking to learn from others so I can improve my self, improve my skill, and make works which are as worthy and beautiful as I imagine them. I walked in seeking the next step in bridging imagination and reality. It was never a question of talent, it was about nurturing my creativity.
The workshop itself was wonderful. Carmel, the director of Scratch Art Space was welcoming, patient and so full of knowledge about colour theory, which she shared openly and skillfully. I walked away with knowledge for moving forward with my own skills and I feel like I have unlocked something and can see fresh how artists have created the sensations in their works which I want to emulate. The next step is to play with my new knowledge and nurture it so it becomes my skill.
Whipit good ????