Watercolour, pencil & pen on paper.
37.5cmW x 25.5 cmH (Frame 50.7 cmW x 38.7 cmH)
I have felt this piece physically for so many years, just waiting for a way to let it out. I don’t like letting go or saying goodbye, and never have. The uncertainty of what is next is almost unbearable, even if the situation I am in is unbearable, so I hold on much longer than is good for me.
Being someone who will do anything to keep people near, I have ended in many situations where the person I give to starts to expect more than I am capable of giving. When this happens, I keep on trying to give what they expect because I don’t want them to hate or leave me but I will start to feel a horrible mix of resentment towards them, guilt for feeling that way, more guilt that I can’t give them all they need and self loathing for not being able to say ‘no’ and letting it get to this point in the first place. I end up hurting myself because I don’t feel I have any way out. It isn’t just people I do this to- it is jobs, life responsibilities, inanimate objects. These situations are worse because I also point the resentment at me and I take the full weight of my sense of ‘failure’. What I should have done in each of these situations is ended it and walked away. There was no more I could give them and no more I could I ask, only a void I was trying to cover over with the denial of a relationship coming to an end and someone leaving my life. I have held myself back so many times instead of letting go.
This piece is for all the ties I should have cut. The things I should have left behind after their summer of purpose had ended. Even though that is the intent of this piece, she still hovers over that string with the scissors, floating in the moment where she could cut and release herself to new beginnings, or keep that tie to what is familiar and safe. I feel the regret and uncertainty in her. I look at her and I hope beyond hope that she takes that step and cuts the string.
If you are interested in giving “Autumn” a space in your world, please contact Platform Gallery directly.
Accept/Resist 11th-28th October
Platform Gallery
194 Katoomba St, Katoomba, NSW 2780
Ph: 02 4742 0047
E: hello@platformgallery.co
W: www.platformgallery.co