I have been in a state of wanderlust for as long as I can remember.
Throughout my life, I have been offered so many amazing opportunities and experiences which I have embraced and as a result I have gone wherever the wind has taken me. I have been places, seen things, lived lives and had experiences that a younger me could never have imagined possible. I have had the most blissful and inspiring highs and survived bitter and soul shattering lows. I have loved and been loved, been supported and been abandoned. I have been pushed off the ledge of my comfort zone more times than I can count and revelled in how I have rebuilt and reformed each time- and it has been glorious! I am grateful and I am lucky (dare I even say #blessed?). It has been a ride and I have no doubt there is much more to come.
However, while I was away in Adelaide I felt that I was ready for a shift. I have been feeling ungrounded and disconnected in the last few years and during my time away I came to the realisation that I want to be more intentional in my life, rather than continuing the ‘fly by the seat of my pants’ approach I have successfully lived the last 40 years.
So, as I drove home across the states I contemplated what that meant. I knew I wanted clear boundaries around my ‘work’ and personal life. I wanted more time for me, I wanted more time to paint and explore my art. I ignored the fact that would mean I need to lean into the business of my art rather than a ‘I make and sell art’ mentality. I knew I wanted to explore embodying and releasing emotional and mental processes through movement with yoga and pilates. I committed to saying no to opportunities rather than taking anything that was offered out of fear of missing out or not being financially secure. And that was about where I stopped and I enjoyed the rest of the journey home.
Skip forward, I arrive in Sydney and start setting up my lovely new schedule. I put in N/A days at work, got connected to regular yoga classes and reached out to local gyms offering covers so I could hone my teaching skills and one day maybe have a regular class or two. Then I sat back and prepared myself for my blissful new life of boundaries, stability, regular eating patterns and weekly baths.
Next minute, everything is manifesting all at once: My living situation changed; I was offered regular teaching opportunities and; a new art studio space became available. Opportunities were being thrown at me and all of my foundations were pulled from under me at the same time…I was not as ready for my new life as I thought I was.
I had to step back and slow down. I had to actually pick and choose where I wanted my energy to be directed. I had to say NO, and that was horrifying. At the same time, I had to say YES to things that meant I was making a commitment to myself. I had to choose to break the habit of taking opportunities which meant responsibility for my well being and security was given to other people. Instead I had to take responsibility for myself, which also meant risking my security.
So, I chose. I took on an amazing and beautiful new art space which gives me room to grow and explore new mediums and processes. I selected the classes and times to teach that would work for me and my goals and said no to others. I pulled back and have begun processes to simplify my life to ensure I could look after myself in my new living situation.
Right now it is all new. I have moments when I am thrilled and moments when I am scared. The one thing I am certain about though is that I am ready to put down my roots and build my life for me.