Everyone who knows me knows that for years I have been saying ‘now I have some time I’ll try and put more into my art and build the business up’. I’ve said it repeatedly, especially after periods of burn out where I needed to step back from over committing to everything else in life other than my art.
It is hard to build a business. Small business is more about marketing and admin than the passion which drove you to start it. Creating art and creating content are two different streams of energy- ones needs guidelines, boundaries and planning the other needs open space and freedom of movement. On top of that, the art I create for business is not the art that feeds my soul. The art that feeds my soul is so far removed from business that I struggle to remember to make content from it.
Why not set scheduled time aside for both? I hear you! Spend some time every week on creativity and some time on content. Great idea! A look at my google calendar deceptively shows I have ample time for this, but in reality I don’t. Time spent on my art and creativity right now isn’t driving income. I also have life admin, house work, cooking, appointments, friends, family. The spare time I have is limited to maybe half a day twice a week in the studio. And when I decide to turn that spare time into dedicated ‘art work time’ it feels like more work and I become overloaded and over whelmed.
I have read and been told in the past that we need to be open to receiving. I live in a society where you only receive what you earn, so I struggle to accept that I am allowed to receive without perceived equal amounts (or more) of giving. This is why earning income from my art is also emotional. I have insecurities about the quality of my art and don’t ask for much in return for it as a result. There is no way for me to make a sustainable living from my art when I think and feel this lack of worthiness deeply.
All of this means I am left with accepting that my art, my creativity, needs to simply be an outlet for me. Something I gift myself.
I have had many friends tell me to get on Patreon. I set it up years ago, and then didn’t do much with it. I get stuck trying to think of what I could offer to each tier to make it worth people’s money. Then I freeze. Over the last couple of months I have been processing what to do with these feelings and the practicality of it from a business perspective.
The thought came that I could simply have Patreon there and be me. Just make art and put it in the world- if people would like to offer financial support for that, that is their choice and maybe that is absolutely fine. Even though it makes me extremely uncomfortable.
So, in the name of discomfort, I am going ahead with it. Simply making art, putting up a few videos and seeing where it leads, while I let my emotions settle and make peace with my art being enough simply as it is.