This week I took some time out from painting and creating on the day I usually designate to just this.
As I have spoken about before, I haven’t had a lot of time to create and paint so taking this day off was a challenge. I struggled to relax and kept telling myself ‘I have time, so I should be painting’ and that is was when I realised that I really did need a day off.
When you ‘have to’ do something it is a matter of importance to give time to that task. When you ‘want to’ do something you have a passion and desire which leads to an unquestionable use of time to dedicate to it. However, when you ‘should’ it means you feel an obligation to do something but don’t want to use your time on it- and I do not ever want my art to be something I ‘should do’. What a horrible way of living that would be.
So I took the day, talked myself off the ‘I could just do half an hour of painting’ ledge several times and tried to focus on just calming myself down. I had a bath, I curled up and read on the lounge (Malazan shout out!), I stared into space and I drank a lot of tea. About half way through the day I started to feel a bit more relaxed and a space in my head started to open up. I felt some ideas and inspiration come through for current pieces I am working on. I started to feel a little excited about putting brush to paper. I felt the inklings of wanting to create start to flow through rather than a sense of obligation. It was clear by the end of the day that this time for self care was necessary.
I know self care is all the buzz and everyone writes about it, but I find it a hard line to draw as I work towards establishing myself as an artist and creative. I need to continuously work, to create and promote and think about how I will approach my goals and time manage around it. I have to push myself out of my comfort zones and old habits. However, sometimes old habits sneak in and before you know it you are two seasons deep into a Netflix series and avoiding the things that will be helpful and meaningful, all in the name of self care. That said, self care and time out is vital for my creative process, I would even say it is an essential element in the creative process. So how do I balance this? (Balance seems to be a theme for me at the moment).
I *think* that the key is being selective and mindful of how I practice self care. While zoning out in front of Netflix might be my go-to, I get more quality in my self care by using that time to watch a documentary or something that feeds my mind. Scrolling idly through social media posts may give me a small break but reading a chapter of a book I enjoy will be much more fruitful and won’t leave me so annoyed or frustrated. Eating a whole tub of ice-cream might be a nice experience but mindfully eating a few preciously selected chocolates from a favourite shop is much more special.
I am starting to understand that self care isn’t a gratuitous appeasing of my wants and whims, but rather a mindful effort to choose what will bring me true benefit and joy. Quite often these choices are the very opposite of what I think will help me in the moment. Occasionally though, self care will most definitely be taking time away from my dreams and eating that tub of ice cream while bingeing Parks and Rec for a day. It’s all about balance after all.
Great post! Thanks xx